County Clare Letter
Subject: Joke:Irish Letter fro Shamus
From: Bob Collins
Reply-To: CELTIC-L - The Celtic Culture List.
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 18:51:18 +0000
Content-Type: text/plain
Jan. 3,1993
Lemrishire,
County Cork,
Ireland
Dear Cousin Derek Dahrling:
Your welcome letter received, and me and your sweet Aunt Bridget thanks you kindly for the money you sent. We have had seven masses said for your
Grandfather and Grandmother, God rest their souls. You have gone high places in America. God bless you. I hope you'll not be putting on airs and
forgetting your native land. Your cousin, Hughie O'Toole was hanged in Londonderry last week for killing a policeman, may God rest his soul.
And may Gods curse be on John O'Hara, the informer, and may he burn in hell, God forgive me. Times are not as bad as they might be. The herring
is back and nearly everyone has a heart in making ends meet, and the price of fish is good, thanks be to God. We had a grand time at Pat Muldoons wake.
He was an old Blatherskite, and it look good to see him stretched out with his big mouth shut. He is better off dead and he'll burn until the damned
place freezes over. He had too many friends among the Orangeman. God curse the lot of them. God bless your heart. I almost forgot to tell you about
Uncle Dinny. He took a pot shot at a turncoat from the back of the hedge, but had too much drink in him and he missed. God's curse on the dirty drink.
I hope this letter finds you in good health and may God keep reminding you to keep sending the money. The Brennens are 100% strong around here since
they stopped going to America. They have kids running all over the country. Father O'Flaherty who baptized you is now feeble minded and sends you his love.
Your cousin Bridget O'Brien has been going around with an Englishman and is now pregnant. We all hope she doesn't marry the Limey because we'd rather
have a bastard in the family than an Englishman. May God take care of the lot of you and keep you from sudden death. Things look bright again.
Every police barrack and every Protestant church has been burned to the ground in County Cork.
Your devoted and lovely cousin,
Shamus O'Donahue
P.S. Keep sending the money and don't forget Cousin Bridget. Remember shes no longer a virgin now.